Finally! A study on first date sex

MANKIND’S most burning question has been answered – what effect does first-date sex have on your relationship?

And if you’re a randy little devil I’ve got some bad news for you: waiting could be a good idea … according to scientists working for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

A study of 10,932 unmarried individuals found waiting to unleash the beast (so to speak) was better for the overall health of the relationship.

The study, Differing Relationship Outcomes When Sex Happens Before, On, or After First Dates, was conducted by Brigham Young University and examined four sexual-timing patterns:

  • Sex prior to dating
  • Initiating sex on the first date or shortly after
  • Having sex after a few weeks of dating
  • Sexual abstinence (Zilch?!? Nada!? ZERO?!!?)

The results don’t auger well for anyone who has attempted the try before you buy approach to dating:

“Results suggested that waiting to initiate sexual intimacy in unmarried relationships was generally associated with positive outcomes,”

“This effect was strongly moderated by relationship length, with individuals who reported early sexual initiation reporting increasingly lower outcomes in relationships of longer than two years.”

Except for the sexual abstinence people, they suffered intense pain, social awkwardness and eventually combusted – spontaneously.*

Brigham Young University is the largest religious university in the US and is owned and operated by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

But we’re confident that had no effect on the results of the study.

So your mother was right. Nice boys and girls don’t really do things like that.

* Not verified – possibly entirely untrue

Sorry baby, I'm doing this for us.
Sorry baby, I'm doing this for us.

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