Kyle the hatchet-wielding hitchhiker, your time is now

UPDATED: Hide yo wife, hide yo kids. The first YouTube autotune viral hero of 2013 has arisen.

His name is Kai (confession – we don’t know how to spell it) Kyle and he’s a homeless hitchhiker.

Actually, his name is Kai. We spoke to him today and he says “he didn’t use the blunt end”

And if you pick him up hitchhiking out Fresno way, make sure you’re on your best behaviour, because he wields a mean hatchet.

And this is one of those stories best told backwards, starting with the money quote:

WTF? Did he says he ran up and sumashed him WITH A HATCHET?

That performance alone is enough to get Kai Kyle autotuned and giffed into the Internet Hall of Fame. Now for the full story, which involves a 400lb race-hater who thinks he’s Jesus and two near-death experiences.

As reported on by a man wearing two watches.

And here’s the first gif.

UPDATE: This from FARKer mikefinch:

 If i remember correctly his real name is kyle, he loves to sing, play guitar, (he still owes me a set of nylon strings after breaking mine) and smoke pot. He was raised as a foster kid and sortof bounced around the system  untill he started traveling the festival ciurcut like any good canadian hippie. Hes not nearly as homeless as he is a hobo, movieng from place to place and being himself.

He is one of the nicest people i have ever met. Im glad so many people would buy him a meal because he deserves it. Hes one of those weird people whos frighteningly honest and straight forward. Genuine to the core.

He has a giant line drawing tattoo of a burning phoenix on his back that looks amazing. When i asked him if he was ever going to get it filled in he responded “I get someone to fill it in with body paint whenever im at a festival.

Hes the kind of person that would eat a mushroom they found growing on the side of a road. I know this because he claimed to have done it. And also that he spent a few days in the hospital and that “Yeah you shouldnt eat a mushroom unless you know what that shiat is.”

sumaash-main


3 thoughts on “Kyle the hatchet-wielding hitchhiker, your time is now

  1. The Name IS in fact Kai. same spelling. means “dog” in Cornish. I think it even sounds like a crow call if you hear it from someone with emphysemisis. That’s emphasis with emphysema.
    Mike Finch is legitimint.
    Is princess arnella still a virgin? hottest body there, new question. and please tell shawn I pissed all over the walk of fame. in hollywood. then felt up the four statues ( I asked first). it was fun. thank you.
    I was NOT on drugs at the time of racist jesus’ rampage (unless you count three cups of coffee and a doobie as “drugs” in which case, please self-destruct)
    OH! OH! OG!
    death to all child molesters and rapists! WoOoOOoo
    I propose we start with the ones at the top who coerce others into selling “their” kids into sex slaves with money and forced upbringing (IE catholic church and native residential schools history month…o snap, CARDINAL MAHONEY CHILD SEX RING MUCH? They duped you, Latino LA. They duped you bad. Buy ya kids back from the rich: Jesus keeps lovin them and all I hear is *please make it stop*)
    Since you’re all listening.

    • Hello Kai ! I’ve been searching around the way to contact you after watching your interview. You are such a genuine person that doesn’t come around so much these days. I wish to listen to what you have to say and I’m sure you have more. if this is really you Kai,
      Please email me back hope we can befreind!!!

  2. We’re just a group of people interested in recognizing the true heroes of this world. In this case, that hero is Caleb Kai Lawrence.

    His story was brought to our attention by a news clip on the verge of going viral. In this clip a man simply going by the name of “Kai” is being interviewed by Jessob Reisbeck of KMPH Fox 26 in Fresno, CA. Although the man is described as a homeless hitchhiker and his personality is somewhat unconventional, we quickly learned that he played a large part in saving not only a PG&E worker but also 2 women at the scene. The video can be viewed here:

    http://youtu.be/4Y7i1ASCS5o

    Due to the interest this video has generated, we took things a step further and were able to locate the identity of Kai via his Facebook page.

    We are hoping other people will recognize Kai’s selfless act in which he expected nothing in return.

    If we’re lucky maybe we can get him that surfboard and wetsuit he’s been dreaming about.

    You can also view the fansite that has been created in honor of Kai at:

    https://www.facebook.com/KaiOfDogtown